After a short blog hiatus, it’s another rainy day! In November?? Go figure.

 

In any case, here’s another small batch of recommended music:

an artistic interpretation of what we've been doing the past two months

Well, it’s been almost two months, now hasn’t it? And during one of the most exciting times of the year for TV lovers! Here’s a problem about being TV bloggers that I didn’t foresee:

We’re too busy watching TV to blog about TV!

Okay, we’re not watching TV 24/7, so yes, we probably could have dashed off a few entries in the past weeks, but so it goes.

Let’s recap awesome things we missed!

God Save the Queen’s TV

This weekend, Jaceface and I made a very important discovery that will affect both our lives and this blog here on out…

WE GET BBC AMERICA FREE ON DEMAND

We Tried

No, I swear, we really did try. jaceface and I did our best to watch all of ‘Labor Pains.’ I don’t think she made it past the first commercial break, and I switched it by the second one, I think. So we really can’t summarize the movie for you, except that it made me feel similar to being vaguely carsick. It’s not like I’m going to throw up or anything, but I’d rather be out of the car than driving around aimlessly, which would have been more entertaining.

But some people were PAID to watch it and report on it, so you can check out recaps by The Fug Girls at NY Magazine or the Onion’s AV Club. Best quote from AV Club: “I gave the movie a C- because I think when you start straying into the D’s and lower people get perversely intrigued and I didn’t want to encourage that sort of thinking.”

One argument I’ll have to raise though: When did everyone decide that Lindsay Lohan was this great actress who is just squandering away her God-given talent? Did I miss her break-through performance? Of course I’ll always love “The Parent Trap” and “Mean Girls,” don’t get me wrong, but I’m not about to nominate her for anything. Okay, okay, I must admit, I never saw “I Know Who Killed Me.” Maybe I’ll netflix that and finally get to see the raw talent that everyone is talking about.

Liveblogging: Labor Pains

Guys! Lindsay Lohan made a movie! Even in her scary-skinny, coke addict, lesbian phase, she is THAT professional, she couldn’t stay away from the SCREEN!

Here’s our liveblog of this epic cinematic event:

8:00 Her boyfriend is an Asian guy who works at a breakfast car on the street.

Apparently you can say “head up his ass” on ABC family. Who knew?

Also, you can smoke cigarettes and talk about getting totally wasted off shots.

OH MY GOD. CREED FROM THE OFFICE IS IN THIS MOVIE

First great line, “Privacy is for people on time” care of Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock, who plays LaLohan’s boss.

8:10 So far, the majority of screen time/dialogue has been dedicated to Dr. Spaceman’s small lapdog, who just projectile vomited all over the board of the publishing house where Lohan works.

“undersexed jerk” can also be said on ABCFamily

“The legal department is backing the decision that you can’t fire a pregnant woman….no matter how much they deserve it.” ?????

Oh look, everyone in the office is SO exited for her! And there are like 3 other pregnant woman. And a very old man just said “I never touched her!”

Delivery guy just made thrusting movements with his hips.

“Wayward skank” can also be said on ABC Family.

Also, insinuating someone has crabs.

8:15 So, the B-plotline is that Lohan takes care of her 17 year old sister. THEY ARE ALL ON THEIR OWN. It’s complicated though. They say things like “really, cause you were at  bar during my parent teacher conference.”

WHAT IS CHERYL HINES DOING IN THIS MOVIE? Shouting things like, “I’m sure Greg is still a virgin!” in the direction of said Greg.

Lindsay is wearing leggings o play softball! I wonder if they are leggings from her leggings line!

FIRST DRAMATIC MOMENT: Lindsay gets kicked off the softball team because she is pregnant.

8:20 Creed just dropped dead at the softball game. Concern over the small dog.

First commercial break…

Guys… I think I have to abandon this liveblog. It’s at the level of bad where it’s just boring and stupid, but not bad enough where it’s funny or entertaining (re: Another Cinderella Story with Selena Gomez, which I HIGHLY recommend).

Poor Lohan, she can’t even pull of campy bad.

Bite My Shiny Metal…..

To quote T.T. Billingsworth and the Captain…

 

AW HELL NAW.

‘Futurama’ getting new voices for Fry, Leela, Bender, and others

shocked by the article

 FOX statement:

We love the Futurama voice performers and absolutely wanted to use them, but unfortunately, we could not meet their salary demands. While replacing these talented actors will be difficult, the show must go on. We are confident that we will find terrific new performers to give voice to Matt and David’s brilliantly subversive characters.

 

AW.

HELL.

NAW.

I’m going to curl up on the street and slowly, heart-wrenchingly, pass away.

Quick News…

NPH will be hosting this year’s Emmy Awards! And to quote AV Club:

If you’re like us, you watched the Tonys (or the highlights anyway) thinking, “Neil Patrick Harris should host every awards show every year for as long he’s taking in oxygen.”

Yeah, pretty much that.

source.

Dear Readers,

We have been remiss in our blogging. Terrible, isn’t it? And you’d think that in the summer, we would have less to blog about, but our DVR has been over 50% capacity with new shows, so in the future, expect posts about NBC’s “Merlin,” Fox’s “Virtuality,” HBO’s “True Blood,” and maybe even something about “Glee,” since we never actually blogged about it. And NPH is the guest judge on this week’s “Top Chef: Masters,” so you know we’ll be watching that. Plus, EW put out the top 100 TV episodes of all time, so of course we’ll check out how many we’ve actually seen and if we think they deserve to be in the elite 100. Jaceface has some thoughts about vampires, as always, and Facetrace is always looking for new music and just finished watching a kooky Canadian sitcom from the 90s.

So be on the lookout!

(Practically) Free Music!

I know some of you just skip the music posts, but this is a GOOD BAND,I swear! And, they’re selling their album online for one dollar. You can’t beat that! (Unless you just download all of your music illegally.) But maybe you can spare a dollar for a good band.

Anyways, the band is called Fanfarlo, and they look exactly like I tend to expect bands to look like these days:

Yeah, pretty much. But as I said, they’re selling their album digitally for only a dollar on their website until July 4th. They’re definitely worth a listen to. The lead singer sort of reminds me of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, but I think he might be a little more accessible.

Here are three swell tracks to check out:

Fanfarlo – I\’m A Pilot

Fanfarlo – Luna

Fanfarlo – Finish Line

The Return of Conando!

Did we all stay up late to watch Conan’s magnificent return to Late Night last night? Oh, is that not staying up late for you? You know, for some people, 11.30pm is kind of a lot. We start to yawn around 10pm or so, but make the effort to keep our eyes glued open.

In any case, The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien premiered last night! As a bona-fide Conan fan, any opinion of mine is clearly going to be favorable. I have no journalistic integrity when it comes to this blog. But it was a good first show: he calmed down a bit to win over Leno fans, but still had some wacky fun. I was happy to see Andy Richter, but I think they still need to get back into the groove of it. Conan hasn’t had a sidekick for years, but they’ll get back into the swing of things, I’m sure.

The reviews from other, more reputable, blogs/news sources are all pretty predictable: if they liked Conan already, they thought the show was great (although a little more muted than late night, of course). If they don’t understand Conan and his anti-gravity hair, they nitpick.

FOR INSTANCE: Check out this negative review from Newsday:

“Why, Conan, this constant reference to “LA?” It sounds old and mawkish; no one in Los Angeles refers to Los Angeles as “LA” anymore; it’s like referring to Hollywood as “Tinseltown” or New York as “the Big Apple.” It’s Los Angeles and you work in Universal City.”

Er, what? I’m pretty sure people still refer to it as L.A. It is in no way comparable to calling New York City “the Big Apple.” Notice how the Big Apple and Tinseltown are both nicknames, not shortening of the city’s name. This reviewer was pretty much peeved at most everything, including the set, the backdrop, the pre-taped bits, the monologue. Just go ahead and say it: You miss Jay Leno and don’t know how you’ll live without him. Don’t worry, you won’t have to.

And here’s the opening!

[clearspring_widget title=”Cold Open of the First Show” wid=”4727a250e66f9723″ pid=”4a25392df8b79b4f” width=”384″ height=”283″ domain=”widgets.nbc.com”]

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

“Let’s get Dr. Phil-real here.”

So the 2008-2009 season is just about over, booo. Once jaceface catches up on “Glee,” we’ll probably post about that. We aren’t going to have anything to say about American Idol, because the only episode we watched was the one we live-blogged, and you can clearly tell how much we enjoyed that.

But in other TV news, upfronts were this week! I’ll admit, I had no idea what upfronts were before this week. But I’m learning. Basically, the major networks are officially introducing their upcoming schedules to advertisers, which means this week, everyone in the blogosphere can bitch about what shows were dropped, what shows were added, and how much they hate the idea of Jay Leno at 10pm.

Most of the reporting was pretty standard, except for this story that came out yesterday about Jimmy Kimmel blasting the networks and the advertisers.

“…In a “Jerry Maguire”-like moment of clarity, Mr. Kimmel said, ‘Everything you’re going to hear this week is’ nonsense. ‘Let’s get real here. Let’s get Dr. Phil-real here. These new fall shows? We’re going to cancel about 90 percent of them. Maybe more’..To the ABC advertisers, Mr. Kimmel said, ‘Every year we lie to you and every year you come back for more. You don’t need an upfront. You need therapy. We completely lie to you, and then you pass those lies onto your clients.’”

And everyone went, “Oooh! Jimmy Kimmel is so ballsy! I can’t believe he said that! He’s speaking the truth right to their face! Wow! Exciting!” Except…not.

Well, maybe Jimmy Kimmel is ballsy. I don’t know. I’m not doubting him. But after everyone posted about this, it finally came to light that he’s done this every year. This, apparently, just happens to be the year that all the reporters are blogging and twittering about their every move. The only real news-worthy thing that ever happened at upfronts was when Johnny Carson abruptly announced his retirement in 1991.

I doubt ABC is really mortified of Jimmy Kimmel right now. His late-night image is the casual, former-Man Show, blunt host, and this is just him being that guy. All the advertisers laughed at his little roasting of them anyways, just like the politicians all laugh at the White House Press Correspondents dinner every year. Besides, the ridiculousness of upfronts is probably well-known by all parties involved. Of course a lot of shows won’t make it past the first season, and every year the networks will be so proud of their new shows and how excellent they are and how awesome they’ll do in ratings. That’s the business. And I’m sure Jimmy Kimmel is fully aware of it too.

“I’m on a Boat”…LIVE

The Lonely Island performed live for the very first time (and hopefully not the last time) on Jimmy Fallon a few nights ago. (I can just picture them sitting around, planning the performance: “How about a guy walks back and forth in the back, holding up a big cardboard boat??”) NBC clearly is pulling out all the stops to get the best guests on the Jimmy Fallon show. Has anyone been actually watching the show? I’m just biding my time until Conan comes back on.

Anyways, it’s a great performance. Behold.

[clearspring_widget title=”The Lonely Island (5/12/09)” wid=”4727a250e66f9723″ pid=”4a0c486a131fffe3″ width=”384″ height=”283″ domain=”widgets.nbc.com”]

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Don’t even bother with Asher Roth; keep up with actual talent instead…

(“This video was filmed in one take, with audio being recorded simultaneously with the film. The video features Nyle (www.nyleraps.com) and is produced by Last Pictures (www.last-pictures.com) and 194 Recordings (www.myspace.com/194recordings)”)

I Know, I Know

I know you guys are anxiously awaiting the start of the Anti-Starlet battle, but I have just becomed TOO OVERWHELMED by how many rounds are going to be needed to wade through the hipness, the angst, the drama, the BLACK HAIR DYE. And then today it was announced that Evan Rachel Wood was cast in True Blood. My Anti-Starlet threshold just EXPLODED. It’s coming. I promise.

Song of the Day

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Enjoy yourself with some Pogues.