Liveblogging: Labor Pains

Guys! Lindsay Lohan made a movie! Even in her scary-skinny, coke addict, lesbian phase, she is THAT professional, she couldn’t stay away from the SCREEN!

Here’s our liveblog of this epic cinematic event:

8:00 Her boyfriend is an Asian guy who works at a breakfast car on the street.

Apparently you can say “head up his ass” on ABC family. Who knew?

Also, you can smoke cigarettes and talk about getting totally wasted off shots.

OH MY GOD. CREED FROM THE OFFICE IS IN THIS MOVIE

First great line, “Privacy is for people on time” care of Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock, who plays LaLohan’s boss.

8:10 So far, the majority of screen time/dialogue has been dedicated to Dr. Spaceman’s small lapdog, who just projectile vomited all over the board of the publishing house where Lohan works.

“undersexed jerk” can also be said on ABCFamily

“The legal department is backing the decision that you can’t fire a pregnant woman….no matter how much they deserve it.” ?????

Oh look, everyone in the office is SO exited for her! And there are like 3 other pregnant woman. And a very old man just said “I never touched her!”

Delivery guy just made thrusting movements with his hips.

“Wayward skank” can also be said on ABC Family.

Also, insinuating someone has crabs.

8:15 So, the B-plotline is that Lohan takes care of her 17 year old sister. THEY ARE ALL ON THEIR OWN. It’s complicated though. They say things like “really, cause you were at  bar during my parent teacher conference.”

WHAT IS CHERYL HINES DOING IN THIS MOVIE? Shouting things like, “I’m sure Greg is still a virgin!” in the direction of said Greg.

Lindsay is wearing leggings o play softball! I wonder if they are leggings from her leggings line!

FIRST DRAMATIC MOMENT: Lindsay gets kicked off the softball team because she is pregnant.

8:20 Creed just dropped dead at the softball game. Concern over the small dog.

First commercial break…

Guys… I think I have to abandon this liveblog. It’s at the level of bad where it’s just boring and stupid, but not bad enough where it’s funny or entertaining (re: Another Cinderella Story with Selena Gomez, which I HIGHLY recommend).

Poor Lohan, she can’t even pull of campy bad.

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