We Tried

No, I swear, we really did try. jaceface and I did our best to watch all of ‘Labor Pains.’ I don’t think she made it past the first commercial break, and I switched it by the second one, I think. So we really can’t summarize the movie for you, except that it made me feel similar to being vaguely carsick. It’s not like I’m going to throw up or anything, but I’d rather be out of the car than driving around aimlessly, which would have been more entertaining.

But some people were PAID to watch it and report on it, so you can check out recaps by The Fug Girls at NY Magazine or the Onion’s AV Club. Best quote from AV Club: “I gave the movie a C- because I think when you start straying into the D’s and lower people get perversely intrigued and I didn’t want to encourage that sort of thinking.”

One argument I’ll have to raise though: When did everyone decide that Lindsay Lohan was this great actress who is just squandering away her God-given talent? Did I miss her break-through performance? Of course I’ll always love “The Parent Trap” and “Mean Girls,” don’t get me wrong, but I’m not about to nominate her for anything. Okay, okay, I must admit, I never saw “I Know Who Killed Me.” Maybe I’ll netflix that and finally get to see the raw talent that everyone is talking about.

Liveblogging: Labor Pains

Guys! Lindsay Lohan made a movie! Even in her scary-skinny, coke addict, lesbian phase, she is THAT professional, she couldn’t stay away from the SCREEN!

Here’s our liveblog of this epic cinematic event:

8:00 Her boyfriend is an Asian guy who works at a breakfast car on the street.

Apparently you can say “head up his ass” on ABC family. Who knew?

Also, you can smoke cigarettes and talk about getting totally wasted off shots.

OH MY GOD. CREED FROM THE OFFICE IS IN THIS MOVIE

First great line, “Privacy is for people on time” care of Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock, who plays LaLohan’s boss.

8:10 So far, the majority of screen time/dialogue has been dedicated to Dr. Spaceman’s small lapdog, who just projectile vomited all over the board of the publishing house where Lohan works.

“undersexed jerk” can also be said on ABCFamily

“The legal department is backing the decision that you can’t fire a pregnant woman….no matter how much they deserve it.” ?????

Oh look, everyone in the office is SO exited for her! And there are like 3 other pregnant woman. And a very old man just said “I never touched her!”

Delivery guy just made thrusting movements with his hips.

“Wayward skank” can also be said on ABC Family.

Also, insinuating someone has crabs.

8:15 So, the B-plotline is that Lohan takes care of her 17 year old sister. THEY ARE ALL ON THEIR OWN. It’s complicated though. They say things like “really, cause you were at  bar during my parent teacher conference.”

WHAT IS CHERYL HINES DOING IN THIS MOVIE? Shouting things like, “I’m sure Greg is still a virgin!” in the direction of said Greg.

Lindsay is wearing leggings o play softball! I wonder if they are leggings from her leggings line!

FIRST DRAMATIC MOMENT: Lindsay gets kicked off the softball team because she is pregnant.

8:20 Creed just dropped dead at the softball game. Concern over the small dog.

First commercial break…

Guys… I think I have to abandon this liveblog. It’s at the level of bad where it’s just boring and stupid, but not bad enough where it’s funny or entertaining (re: Another Cinderella Story with Selena Gomez, which I HIGHLY recommend).

Poor Lohan, she can’t even pull of campy bad.

Bite My Shiny Metal…..

To quote T.T. Billingsworth and the Captain…

 

AW HELL NAW.

‘Futurama’ getting new voices for Fry, Leela, Bender, and others

shocked by the article

 FOX statement:

We love the Futurama voice performers and absolutely wanted to use them, but unfortunately, we could not meet their salary demands. While replacing these talented actors will be difficult, the show must go on. We are confident that we will find terrific new performers to give voice to Matt and David’s brilliantly subversive characters.

 

AW.

HELL.

NAW.

I’m going to curl up on the street and slowly, heart-wrenchingly, pass away.

Quick News…

NPH will be hosting this year’s Emmy Awards! And to quote AV Club:

If you’re like us, you watched the Tonys (or the highlights anyway) thinking, “Neil Patrick Harris should host every awards show every year for as long he’s taking in oxygen.”

Yeah, pretty much that.

source.